


Stargazing

by penguins_and_such



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Continuation, M/M, they grow up au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-22
Updated: 2019-04-22
Packaged: 2020-01-24 04:13:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18563692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/penguins_and_such/pseuds/penguins_and_such
Summary: Akaashi has loved stargazing for all of his life, so much so that he doesn't notice when he's caught in orbit.





	Stargazing

**Author's Note:**

> I love these two so much oh my god. Season 4 in the fall has me super hype. Anyways I've been on a feels train for them ever since those last Fukorodani chapters at the beginning of the year. @iamthewindything on tumblr pitched me a super sappy, sad angst au and of course I had to run with it. It's been done a few months now but I kept thinking I would come back and 'fix' the ending. It feels super rushed, but upon reading it with a fresh mindset, I'm pretty pleased. Enjoy!

 

It’s a quarter past seven in the morning and the sky is the steel grey that promises rain. The new barista behind the counter of Keiji’s favorite coffee shop doesn’t exactly lack skill, but they’re not quite at the caliber he’s accustomed to. His nose wrinkles slightly at the first sip, and he gives a cursory glance from his table in the corner. There’s plenty of time before he technically _has_ to be at work, but he might just down the rest of his coffee and get started early. Then he can hold on to the hope of going home early all day, although that would be unlikely. The department hasn’t been swamped per se, it’s more that Keiji is the youngest in the department, so he winds up with all the leftover work.

Not that he minds, it gives him something to focus on. He swirls his coffee around in the cup before downing the rest of it, the bitter drink scorching his throat ever so slightly on the way down. He checks the time, half past seven, and gathers his things before standing. With the look of the sky above it’s better to leave now, and hopefully miss the rain. His coat is shrugged on in little time and he makes his way out of the warm, aromatic cocoon and into the blustery street. There’s a newsstand set up outside and as he passes by he feels pierced by a pair of golden eyes on the cover of a sports magazine. He forces his feet to press on, refuses to turn around and purchase it.

When he walks into his office a familiar face is waiting for him.

“Yo, Akaashi!”

He’s still not quite sure how he ended up at the same company, in the same department, as Konoha Akinori. He would be lying if he said it wasn’t at least a little reassuring when he first started. Knowing at least one person in his new job proved to be a boon. Although the novelty wore off quickly since Konoha was, apparently, dead set on treating him as he always had. As if neither of them had completed university education and started a career.

“Good morning, Konoha-san.” He walks to his desk, right beside Konoha’s, because the gods truly refuse to smile on Keiji, and starts taking off his coat.

Konoha is already settled for the day and leans back in his seat, casually watching Keiji. “So, you’re sure early today- hoping to leave early?”

“Not particularly, I just found myself with extra time this morning.” Keiji takes his own seat and pulls his laptop out of his bag.

“Well that’s good, considering you’ve been finding yourself with so much work lately it wouldn’t be very likely.”

“Konoha-san, sometimes I think your enthusiasm at me joining the company was simply because I replaced you as the lowest rung.”

The blonde man barks out a laugh. “Now, now, you’re plenty smart enough to know that’s exactly why.” He reaches over to pat Keiji on the shoulder. “We’ve known each other too long for you to bother being tactful with me.”

“Then do me a favor and let me work in peace, for once.”

“Then what would I do at work all day, hm?”

“How about your own work? I’ve heard you’re pretty far behind on the Minato accounts review.”

Konoha removes the hand on Keiji to clutch at his own chest. “You hit too close to home.” He scoots his chair forward and shuffles some paperwork around. “Fine, fine. I’ll do my job today, to appease my precious kouhai that followed me from high school.”

“You are absolutely insufferable.” He’s said it so many times now that it comes out flatly.

They work quietly for a few more minutes before Konoha pauses just long enough for Keiji to sense danger.

“It is a real shame if you don’t get out of here on time, today of all days.” The sincerity in his tone lodges an icy pit in his stomach. Konoha continues without looking at Keiji. “There’s that match today, after all.”

Keiji sighs. “I haven’t the faintest clue what you’re talking about.” It’s not a lie, he has been putting in the utmost effort to stay ignorant of the pro volleyball scene. He has no reason to be particularly invested in it, after all.

“Come on, I know you’re all prickly, but you have to at least know he has a playoffs game tonight?” He sees Konoha finally turn to face him and Keiji pointedly stares at the numbers on his screen, willing them to make sense.

He gives up with a sigh and turns to meet Konoha’s eyes. “I don’t see why it matters, my watching wouldn’t make any difference to the outcome of the game.” He tries his hardest to keep his tone neutral, but his words are rushed, the phrases too quick to be translated as casual.

Konoha’s face pinches, ever so slightly before he turns back to his computer. “Yeesh, I see what I get for trying to talk about sports with you.”

Keiji clicks his tongue and returns to his work.

* * *

 

That night he’s channel surfing and happens to land on the game. He tries so hard to change the channel, to turn away. But he’s always been a stargazer at heart and Bokuto shines so very brightly he could never look away.

No matter how much it hurt.

His form has only improved with the years, his game sense finely tuned. It’s the best play he’s ever seen out of him and Keiji watches every minute. Drinks it all in and feels disappointed when their team finally wins. Nostalgia weighs heavy upon his chest as he remembers that energetic grin flashed his way after a toss he had perfectly set. To have played on the same team with him for so long was a blessing all its own.

It should have been enough.

It wasn’t.

It isn’t.

* * *

 

He rarely goes out drinking on his own, it’s always with the rest of his department to celebrate the completion of a project. He would rather not go out then either, but Konoha almost always drags him along. His coworkers are agreeable enough company, mostly men around his age. They don’t push him about relationships, he suspects his reaction the first time has warded off future inquiries.

If he’s going to drink he typically just picks up a couple beers on the way home. The bars are either too noisy or too quiet. Too bright or too dark. He would much rather be drunk at home, where he can sulk, although he would never admit out loud that he was sulking.

That said, this place wasn’t too bad. His coworkers weren’t too rambunctious yet, but they were only one round in. Truth be told Keiji was planning on ducking out after round three. He wasn’t interested in getting plastered tonight, and the workload had left him exhausted. Not to mention Konoha seemed occupied by something that wasn’t him, for once. He kept anxiously glancing at his phone, seemingly in a text conversation with someone.

Maybe he’d finally gotten a girlfriend. The possibility presented some small amount of hope for Keiji, Konoha would have someone else to pester. That particular thought seems to jinx him as Konoha suddenly stashes his phone in his pocket and slings an arm around Keiji’s shoulders.

“Hey Akaashi, are you free next Saturday?” The smile on his face looks a bit too excited for Keiji to be able to simply accept. Last time a conversation with him had started like this it had ended with Keiji roped into a mixer.

“Why exactly would you like to know?” Keiji nurses his beer and contemplates ordering an appetizer. Pointedly not looking at the nuisance clinging to him.

Konoha releases him and leans back on his hands, his grin turning downright devilish. “We’re bringing the boys back together!”

Keiji finally looks over and squints. “You mean-”

“That’s right!” He lifts one hand to point a finger to the sky. “For one night only, the beloved Fukurodani volleyball team of our generation will be having a night out.”

He can do nothing but stare back, a question stuck in his throat, strangled by his own pride.

The hand slowly comes back down and Konoha shrugs. “I’ve even convinced Yukie and Kaori to come. Can’t say the whole team would be there, I’m still waiting to hear back from some people.”

Keiji downs the rest of his drink in one go. Maybe he will get plastered tonight. Ah, but he also just wants to leave right now.

“Now, now, you have the right to say no, but a lot of people would like to see you again. Konoha mumbles something under his breath that sounds a lot like _even if they won’t admit it._ “Thought I’d ask on their behalf.”

When Keiji looks back at him he’s smiling up at him, but it’s a simple grin. He’s simply presenting an offer. From the way he’s phrased it, he’s not even sure if Bokuto will be there.

“I’ll consider it.”

* * *

 

“Koutarou will definitely be there.” Kenma’s voice crackles through the receiver on his phone and Keiji’s palms begin to sweat. “Tetsurou said he was pretty excited about it, actually.”

He doesn’t know what kind of response he had expected when he had explained the dilemma to his longtime friend. Well, he should have expected something straightforward.

“I see.”

“You should go, the two of you should have settled things a long time ago.” He can hear buttons clacking softly in the background.

“I’ve explained it to you before, but it is settled. Just because the outcome wasn’t what I wanted doesn’t mean it’s not over.” Keiji huffs as he finishes folding the shirt he was holding.

The button pressing doesn’t let up. “That’s a real complicated way to say you’re giving up.”

“I’ve moved on, is all.” He picks up the next article of clothing out of the stack.

This time the noises do stop. “Right, that’s why you never go out. Or let anyone set you up on dates. And just generally sulk at the mere mention of his name.”

Keiji stops what he’s doing to remove his phone from where it’s wedged between his ear and shoulder, glaring at it.

He puts it back to his ear. “Healing isn’t always a linear process.”

“But it’s a process, you’re just standing still. You’re being ridiculous, and you know it. Some part of you is still waiting for him to acknowledge you.”

“Sometimes I wish you weren’t so blunt.”

“For the record if he called I’d tell him something similar. You’re just the only one smart enough to ask for my advice.”

“It feels more like I’m the dumb one, at this moment.”

The button clacking resumes. “Truth hurts. Go to the party, get closure. Maybe if you’re lucky you can get an autograph from the famous Bokuto-san.”

“If only I could be so lucky.”

“Text me afterwards, I have to go- boss fight.”

The line goes dead seconds after and Keiji is left rolling his eyes. Kenma had been a pain in his ass about the Bokuto situation ever since they had graduated high school. The most annoying part was having to acknowledge that he had a point.

He finishes folding laundry and lingers too long in front of his closet after he hangs up his clothes. If he’s going to be in front of Bokuto again after 4 years he would need to look his best.

* * *

 

He hesitates just outside the entrance to the bar. It’s a nice, upscale place. Might as well go all out, since there’s no telling when the next time everyone will get together is.

Especially if the night goes sour, as Keiji expects it will. Not that he’s going to actively try to ruin it.

He’s actually looking forward to catching up with most of his teammates. The game he caught the other day made him nostalgic for his entire high school volleyball experience. There was an easy camaraderie that was built between his teammates, over the long practice hours and overnight camps. The same harmonization they had cultivated on the court could often be felt off it. Any time they had all hung out together had been easy and comfortable.

It had been nice. There was a time when remembering any of it made him feel bitter. Now most of the memories fill him with warmth. He holds on to those memories as he walks inside, trying to ignore the pit of dread in his stomach. Once he tells the hostess inside he’s escorted to a party room in the back, with a sign outside of it exclaiming ‘Fukurodani VBC Alumni’ alongside a crudely drawn volleyball. The hostess opens the door for him and Keiji braces himself once more before he walks in.

Most everyone is here, Komi and Konoha arguing with Washio in between them. Sarukui is laughing next to a relaxed looking Onaga. There’s another laugh that trails off once Keiji walks in, he doesn’t want to look but it would be weird not to. His eyes meet that shade of gold for the first time in years, and he barely suppresses a shudder. Bokuto’s boisterous laugh dies out and the room is briefly filled with so much tension Keiji almost sees himself back out.

Then the smile returns to his eyes and he calls out. “Akaashi! You’re late!”

He schools his features and checks his watch. “Am I? Konoha’s text said 19:15.”

Konoha at least looks slightly ashamed. “Well, about that. Turns out Komi’s text said 19:00.”

He feels his brow furrow a bit as he takes off his coat, sparing a glance to his seating options. The only open seats are between Bokuto and Komi, and at the end, next to Konoha.

“Unreliable as always, Konoha-san.” He can’t help but wonder if that wasn’t on purpose as he takes his seat next to his coworker. It’s hard to tell how genuine the sheepish grin is.

“I didn’t get the time that wrong, I don’t see what the big deal is.” Konoha mumbles into his beer but Keiji catches a small grin half-hidden behind the glass.

Meddlesome bastard.

“Man, Akaashi I don’t know how you can stand working with him all day. He must drive you nuts.” Komi shoots him a sympathetic look, picking up a snack from a platter in the middle of the table.

“Hey, I’m a hard working senpai!”

“He does work quite hard at getting on every last nerve.” Keiji pours himself a cup of sake while the rest of the table laughs at the quip.

Konoha hopelessly tries to defend himself and the table falls into easy banter. Apart from the alcohol, they could be back in high school, grabbing dinner at a pop-up restaurant. The alcohol is a welcome addition, though. Keiji has reached the point that he can meet those golden eyes easily. In fact, he keeps having to stop himself from outright staring at them.

He glances down and is just as enthralled by the sight of his arms. The intense training regimen of a national athlete sure must be something. His biceps look like they might burst from beneath the rolled-up sleeves of his button-down shirt.

His throat goes dry and he takes a big gulp of his beer to combat it, forcing his eyes shut. Beside him Konoha offers up a toast, the third one of the evening. This time it’s for Onaga’s recent engagement.

Komi burps after chugging the rest of his beer and sighs. “How come you’re the youngest and you’ll be the first married?”

Washio clears his throat and holds up his left hand, quietly displaying the gold ring on the ring finger.

Konoha exclaims from beside him “No way! You too?!”

Bokuto slings an arm around him and laughs “Way to go Washio!”

“Ah, we’re bad at keeping up with each other, aren’t we?” Sarukui shakes his head.

“That’s why we’ve gotta do this more often!” Bokuto shakes Washio slightly with his enthusiasm.

Konoha’s mouth turns up at the edges, somewhat sharply. “As if you’re the easiest person to hang out with, Mr. Celebrity.”

Bokuto relinquishes his grip on his former teammate and sits back, a flush coloring his cheeks. “Well, I made the time to come tonight, didn’t I?”

“He’s not denying the celebrity part.” Komi’s tone is matter of fact and causes most of the table to laugh.

Despite himself Keiji laughs as well. After all it’s hard to deny it when you see your ill-fated crush plastered everywhere.

Once Bokuto’s laughter dies down he attempts to defend himself. “Well, we all know I’ve never been humble.”

The joke sends another ripple of laughter throughout the table, but it causes a pang in Keiji’s chest.

_Liar_.

The topic is changed to Bokuto’s last match and his tipsy state latches onto it. He’s determined to not ruin tonight. If he can just, laugh with him, be his _friend_ again, he thinks he can move on.

It turns out they’ve all been keeping up with Bokuto’s career. Keiji tries not to butt in too much, but they all know he’s been a fan since that first day he saw him play. Hard to play it off when most of these people saw him back in his first year of high school, when he set for Bokuto for hours without complaint.

He’s in the middle of commenting on that last game when he catches the way those gold eyes are staring back at him. Bokuto is resting his chin on his propped-up arm, eyes hazy and soft with something beyond the drinks.

His heart skips a beat and he stumbles over his words. Those gold eyes blink lazily and then Bokuto is sitting back up and continuing where Keiji had fallen off.

“Yeah, those blocks would have really tripped me up back in high school. It’s crazy to think how much the level of gameplay has changed.”

“I would hope it’s changed, if it were just the same I’d have half a mind to playing volleyball full time myself.” Sarukui laughs at his own joke and Komi snickers beside him.

Bokuto laughs too, but his is hearty and full. It makes Keiji’s chest warm.

“Man, you two really are just dumb.” He speaks so softly that Keiji barely registers Konoha’s words. Once he does he turns his head towards him so quick he almost gets dizzy. “Don’t give me that look, not when you still stare at each other like lovesick puppies.”

“Konoha-san, it’s not-”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” Konoha waves a hand at him before pouring him a cup of sake. “It’s not my business and all that. Jus’ think it’s dumb, is all.”

Keiji chooses not to reply and simply takes the drink, knocking it back in one fluid motion. He tries not to think about it, but it sits in the back of his mind, taking root. Konoha saw it too, Bokuto-

Onaga asks him a question and he’s grateful for the distraction. The night carries on and they almost make it without incident.

“Ah, what was, uh- Futaba! Wasn’t that your girlfriends name Sarukui? What happened with her?” Komi is leaning back on his elbows, face red as he reminisces.

“She broke up with me when we were third years, remember? I spent too much time on volleyball club.” Sarukui doesn’t look the least bit bothered by the admission.

Komi groans. “Man, there was never any hope for us, huh? Volleyball took up so much of our time… One of the managers would have been perfect.” He leans all the way back before sitting up suddenly. “That reminds me, what was going on with you two?”

Keiji feels panic settle into his chest as Komi points one hand at him and the other at Bokuto. Konaha clicks his tongue beside him. Silence envelops the table.

“What do you mean?” It sounds weak, even to his own ears.

“Oh, come on. We were all sure you two would end up together. You followed Bokuto around like a star struck kid. I know we make fun of him, but there’s no way Bokuto would be stupid enough to not see your massive crush. And Akaashi you’re like, the perfect guy for him, you still thought he was hot shit after meeting him.”

“Komi-yan, I think you’ve had too much to drink.” Bokuto’s voice is uncharacteristically dark. He’s staring at Komi with furrowed brows.

“See? You’re getting all defensive now. Even tonight you two can’t stop staring at each other.”

It’s not just his imagination.

He was stupid, but Bokuto is even more stupid. His composure finally cracks, unable to keep it up under the tension and alcohol. Words spill out of his mouth unbidden, burning his tongue with their acidity. “You know, I’d also like to know why it ended up this way. Bokuto- _san_ , why don’t you clear it up for everyone?”

Every pair of eyes snaps to him. He only meets one pair back. Bokuto’s features soften. “Akaashi, I- You don’t have to do this in front of everyone.”

“No, I don’t have to do this at all.” He spares a glance at the rest of the table before offering a small bow. “Good night, everyone.”

He manages to get up without losing his balance and gathers up his things before he heads out.

* * *

 

It’s raining, but it’s rainy season so he had brought his umbrella. He doesn’t bring it out for a block though, wanting to put that awkward, tense situation firmly behind him. The spring mechanism has just barely been unleased with a click before he hears heavy footsteps. He instinctually steps to the left, but the steps stop right behind him and he turns to look.

“Akaashi.” Of course, it’s Bokuto, and of course he’s soaking wet, without his coat.

They’re both dumb, but Keiji is probably the dumbest. Because his heart still skips a beat at the site of him, twisting the knife in his chest.

“What could you possibly have to say now?”

“I-” Bokuto runs a hand down his face, a wrinkle between his brows and mouth twisted in a frown. “It wasn’t supposed to be like this.”

“Oh? How exactly was it supposed to go after you failed to acknowledge my feelings?” Keiji can’t help the sharpness to his tone. Years of stewing in an incomplete rejection were finally bubbling to the surface.

“You were supposed to move on! You were supposed to realize how I was the worst person in the world for you! And find someone that was worth you! Because I’m just an idiot who’s good at volleyball. You’re like, this incredibly smart, beautiful person, so of course I liked you, but-”

Keiji’s grip on the umbrella slips. “You are an idiot.” He hears it fall to the ground and feels the cold rain against his cheeks, they mix bitterly with his hot tears. “How was I supposed to move on if you never properly rejected me?” His voice is thick and choked, but he presses on. “You ignored my feelings for years and avoided me when I tried to outright confess! How am I supposed to move on from that?”

“Aka-”

“You were the only one! For all these years I couldn’t even look at anyone else.” He finds himself smiling, even though his tears are still falling. “You always shone the brightest. Don’t tell me you expect me to move on after a bullshit rejection like that.”

Bokuto takes a step forward and wraps his arms around him.

It’s incredibly warm. Akaashi reaches his arms around him, clenching his fists. Grasping onto his shirt like it’s the lifeline that will pull him up from the emotions drowning his chest.

“Don’t cry over me, you’re so much smarter than that…”

He can’t help but voice his earlier thoughts. “We’re both just idiots I guess. Don’t you think we deserve one another?” The words come out muffled against Bokuto’s shirt, it’s wet from the rain but the heat radiating off of him makes him forget it entirely.

“…Akaashi.”

He doesn’t say anything in reply, listening to the heartbeat of the person he’s yearned after for years. It’s loud and fast, like his own.

“Listen, I have almost no free time these days, and I travel so much.”

“I’d go to as many games as I can, that’s where you shine the brightest anyways.” He pulls back just enough to look at Bokuto’s eyes, which have begun to shimmer. Gold trapped behind a watery sheen, like sunken treasure. “I could keep a warm space ready for you to come home to.”

The first tear slides down his cheek and mixes with the raindrops. “Why don’t you just let go?”

 “You said you liked me too. Why should we both be miserable?” Unless, he had spoken in the past tense before. What if his crush had fizzled out? The tears, maybe it’s just hard for him to watch Keiji act this way. Although what Komi said supported his theory-

Keiji feels Bokuto gently grasp his chin in his calloused, warm hand. “You’re thinking an awful lot.”

“There’s a lot to take in, tonight.”

“I still don’t think I deserve you.” The tears have cleared, although his nose and cheeks are red. The look he levels at Keiji is intense with sincerity.

“You’re a member of the national team!” Keiji feels a hysterical giggle bubble up and out of his mouth. “If there’s anyone that’s not worthy it’s me, the simple salaryman.”

The hand holding him is retracted and Keiji instantly misses the warmth. He watches Bokuto nervously run a hand through his hair. “I mean, don’t you deserve some super smart CEO or someone that could like, intellectually challenge you?” He’s avoiding eye contact.

Keiji can’t help the sigh that he breathes out and Bokuto looks down with pinched eyes and his mouth in a flat line.

“Trust me when I say I found our conversations adequately scintillating.”

“When you say it like that, it sounds kinda dirty ‘Kaashi.” The flush on Bokuto’s cheeks darkening.

He feels a smile split his face. “There was some innuendo there, yes.”

“Akaashi!” Keiji moves his hands and takes both of Bokuto’s in his, stepping back a bit.

“Bokuto Koutarou.”

A tense smile breaks across his face and Keiji knows his own must match it. He pushes forward anyways.

“You’re the only one for me. Every time I see you on the court I can’t look away from how you shine. Even here, now, you’re like a star my attention is always drawn to. Clearly the only solution is to stay by your side, always. I’ll remind you every day if I must. I love you.”

Tears well up in his eyes and his voice is thick. “Akaashi.”

Even after their discussion, Keiji’s heart twists uncomfortably in his chest. After so many years he finally got to put it out there, into the air to be consumed and contemplated upon. The suspense of waiting for an answer might actually kill him.

Bokuto clears his throat. “Akaashi Keiji. You’re the most beautiful, amazing person I’ve ever met. Just hearing you say that makes me so happy.” He steps closer and keeps steady eye contact. Emerald and gold meeting and emerald isn’t a podium color but Bokuto Koutarou thinks he’s won the only thing that matters. “I love you.” He tilts his head down and their lips meet.

Akaashi Keiji’s knees shake as his star shares his light and warmth with him.


End file.
